confuseing boy game

The game, they say its all a game,

The laws of attraction, the lust, the pleasure, the deceit, the naïve

What is truth, what Is real and what is just a front?

Because at our first meet you sparked my attention, gained my interest but you were just a thought, not even a daydream, not even close to a fantasy, just a hmm… we’ll see if he comes around again

So then our paths crossed again, and I was less intrigued, saw you as a typical guy, shooting down as many shots as you can

And I saw that intoxicated game you played, and as you revealed your game to me, as you revealed you players card, I played the same cards back

Thought there was something more to your tipsy package, thought that maybe there was something more

But I didn’t let my curiosity distracted me, because I played your same cards back

Spun you around as you would have done any other girl, got to taste your lips and find out what way you kiss

I had my fun, you did me good, and played you, acted like a boy and did what any guy would

And when you left, you did not linger in my mind, and I didn’t miss your touch

I had gotten what I wanted and that was enough

But now you are not following the rules and making me confused

Now you are starting to show that something more that I had sought

And there is something in me dying to pull that good out of you

But wait no, I can’t it’s just a game right. You say you want to be this, you say you want to do that, but even if you get that success, will you still be that same old guy

Are you a good guy, are you a good guy that acts bad, or a bad guy that acts good to get what he wants?

Are you in the game, are you leaving me bread crumbs to follow, because if this is a game, I only play by my rules

I guess I just want to know more, with out getting caught up in your web, I want to know more but not be fooled, I want to know more, but not be attached, I want to help but not get hurt, I want to have fun, but mean something more

Are you getting this too, or are you just as confused?

dare to dream

Please let me dream
Dream into an oblivion of peace
Don’t steal from my mind these serenity of thoughts, don’t steal from me these lullaby of dreams
Don’t let these negative thoughts be my defeat
Defeat would be to admit that my dreams are not real, to admit that the impossible leaps could never be jumped
Let me climb this mountain, this mountain of doubt and let me conquer it
Let me step into the realms of unreality and make the unreality real, let me open the door, fall of the cliff and sink into the waters of the unconscious mind
Let me be the light that shines into the dark corners
Don’t let me loose this feeling of certainty,, this gain of confidence, let me wear the belt of assurance
And if it is lost let me chase it until it is found, let me follow the footprints that lead to my inner strength
Let me find that needle of hope in this hay stack of despair
Then let me sew in with this needle the holes of lost faith
Let me not wade it shallow waters, let me learn how to swim in the deep

Let my mind, let my body continuously flow with ambition
Let not my heart be weak drowning in the abundance of my ambition
Let me not open the door to the stranger of fear, let me mask this fear until it becomes unreal

Let me envision that light at the end of the tunnel, let me feel its rays warm my skin

Let this light give me hope, and let hope be the adrenaline that runs through my veins, let it attack and destroy the poison of fear, denial, doubt and worry

Let me fly on the wings of faith, to the islands of my destiny

Let me not escape this feeling

Oh please, let me simply fulfill my dream

writing

It’s inside of me, it unexpectedly came

Sometimes it comes to me as a burning fire of passion, with a hint of rage

This voice, these words inside of me that need to get out

It controls me until I let it leak out through pen and let in bleed, sink and dance onto the paper

Sometimes it stays in me, floating around , not sure if it wants to come out

Afraid to come out because then these floating thoughts would become real, leaving the door open to too many chances

There is a chance to be free, to open up new insight and vision, to break down walls, to be powerful or just bring peace

Or a chance to be tainted, criticized and judged

A chance to open wounds, unseen or unfelt feelings, feelings that are not ready to be felt again

Maybe I’m afraid to let it out because I fear it won’t be good enough or maybe it will

But I have to give into it, I should let it out, because if I don’t I risk loosing it, risk it seeping into the back corners of my mind and there is a chance it might be recovered, but a bigger chance that it will be locked away and never found.

You see I am very easily inspired, seduced by people’s words, emotions, feelings and experiences

Something about it all inspires words to dance around in my mind, then something tells me quick, let it out, let these words come alive so that they can speak to more then just the shadows of my mind

But some words I don’t want to let out, afraid that they will open me up to much, afraid they will let out the pain

But I have to pull them out, I need the pain, I need that closure and I need to see what these words can become

So I pull them out, I try to find the words that hide in my ,mind

SO I let it out, I let my mind breathe, and if I can’t let it out now I repeat the words inside my brain so I won’t forget

And the voice returns constantly reminding me to let it out so I make reach my potential for greatness, here is my chance to make a difference, to create beauty or expose the truth or else my chanc can be gone

It will float away on the oceans on your mind

I owe myself that chance to let the words stain the paper and allow them to speak back and you reveal parts of me, sides of me that I never knew I had

Oh these words are like children, some like pubescent teenagers, thinking that they are ready to come out, ready to face the world, but some of these words aren’t ready, they need to wait awhile, they need to linger inside my mind so they can grow, grow enough to be read and understood by others

And if my mind could only rest, if only it could be at ease, but it rarely is

Like a heart needs to beat, my mind needs to think

And even as I write this poem the words seem to never end

I’m feeding off this inspiration, there are so many ideas floating around

If only there were more of me so I could capture every word and write it down

But instead there is only one of me, to contain this potential power, to unleash these unwritten words and let them make sounds